LACK OF FORGIVENESS KILLS*
I was angry with him. I was angry to a point I ended our friendship and told him to move on. He called a thousand times, but I neglected his calls. He sent countless messages telling me how sorry he is. He wrote me poems and made sure he sent it to me on a daily basis.
Every morning, I woke up and logged on my WhatsApp and the first message I saw was his. I simply deleted it without even reading it.
But he was determined to make peace. I just didn’t want peace. I didn’t want to give a second chance to be hurt the way I was.
One day, I logged in WhatsApp, and didn’t see his text as I used to. He had actually crossed my mind that day. I check his last message and discovered he had sent it 3 weeks back. I logged on Facebook and went to check his profile. He had last logged in 3 weeks ago.
For a moment I was restless. Five years of friendship, and he had never for once gone 2 days without logging in, or trying to contact me.
I hid my number and tried his line just to make sure it was on. But it was switched off.
I could no longer sleep. My thought wandered all night. I kept thinking of him. And that’s when the memories of our beautiful moments together crossed my mind.
I kept trying the number over and over again. I tried it for one full week.
One day, it rang. His sister picked.
She greeted me.
I introduced myself as Celine, and told her I wanted to talk with her brother – the owner of the number.
She asked if I was Celine Shu.
I said yes I was.
She told me her brother left me a message, and that was the only reason she was still holding onto the brother’s sim card.
“My brother asked me to beg you to forgive him. He knows that he has wronged you. You are the only person whose name he sang everyday, even while at the hospital.”
I immediately asked why her brother was at the hospital.
She told me her brother suffered from ‘Dilated Cardiomyopathy.’
A sickness that affects the heart chambers, thereby making it dilated, and as a result of heart muscle weakness, the heart finds it hard to pump blood properly😲.
“He died 3 weeks ago at General Hospital Wum. A day before he died, he called me and told me everything that happened. He feared he could go to hell for what he had done to you, if you do not forgive and let go. He said you have refused picking his calls. Even when he called to tell you about his condition. He sent you messages but it was never opened nor read. But he told me, when ever you call, I should tell you he is sorry and beg you to please forgive him. Please Celine, forgive him, so my brother’s soul shall rest in peace.” She spoke Admist tears😭.
I hung up the call and cried bitterly😭. I had long forgiven him. I didn’t know why I refused communicating with him. My heart bled. I picked my phone and went through the last message he sent to me. It was a poem. A poem about heaven and earth, and how every good friend shall be together in heaven someday. At the end was a message.
“Please forgive me. I want to die knowing that I have made peace with everyone I ever hurt. I have forgiven you too Celine. My hearts is clean. Make yours clean too, by forgiving me.”
While I read that message, I pondered about life.
Life is short; very short. One minute you are alive, and the next minute you are wiped off the surface of the earth. Death is uncertain. What ever you do, ensure you do not leave this world holding a grudge against someone. Every minute should be a moment of forgiveness for one person who has wronged you.
I forgive everyone who has hurt me in the past. I forgive all those who played with my emotions. I forgive all those who took advantage of me. I forgive those who did me wrong in one way or the other. I forgive because I want to have a heart that is light, and not a heavy heart. I want to have a heart that is free from grudges.
Search your heart, call that person you are angry with, and say the words “I forgive you.”
_Evang. Micheal Emeka @zuwanu